This page is just a list of quotes, often taken out of context to sound funnier, but not always. Then there's other stuff that may not be funny at all, but it's only stuff you'd hear in the scene, or at least *my* crowd (inside jokes and the like). If you have any quotes of your own to add, please email me, as the page could always use more. And no, they don't all have to be heard at goth clubs, just things that you *might* hear there, or see there, or do there that you normally wouldn't hear/see/do elsewhere...
"No! I don't want to head-butt any one! I've got *stitches* in my forehead from head-butting people!"
"That's the scariest thing I've ever heard. 'Cause when you laugh like that I know you're not thinking about anything funny." (thanks, Madrigal!)
"... I only wanted something beautiful. But I'm not allowed."
"I'm just checking to see if my banana's all soft now." - because, apparently, stuffing one into a brown paper bag will help it ripen faster... of course...
"Never tell a man he can't get a piece of toilet paper out of a tree."
"Well, it depends on what you use the $25 for." "Buying a monkey?" "No, that's too cliche."
"One of these days I'm going to come here and I *won't* see you writhing on the floor."
"Who else could make a Muppet death wail sound good?" - Um, Bjork, apparently.
"It's only 10 minutes round trip... unless you've got weird lacing." - with regards to a trip to the bathroom
"Maybe he'll swing a big sword around and say 'Look at me, I'm Scottish!".
"Ooh! So I found this new artist named Susan-ohwaityou'renotintobunnies..." - kind of a long name, don't you think?
"Don't start the body cavity search without me!"
"Thank you for the spanking. It was lovely."
"Smell the fire of conspicuous jello."
"You have to add the juicy kanji bits."
"It's amazing what they're doing with babies these days."
"Yeah, but could you attack me with a razor blade first?" - I would have put up the 'shaved pussy' comment, but this one seemed less overdone.
"Oh no, you are *not* to use the cat in performance art like that!" " Well, not more than once."
"And that's where the were-goldfish come in..." - I blame this on creative writers.
"Damnit! Why are all my clothes black?"
"You think I need fangs?"
"They're already taking pictures of my underwear." - It was a strange convention. What else can I say?
"So what kind of 'hospitality suite' is this any way?"
"So wait, are you 'Crack Ho Number 2' or 'Number 3'?"
"Excuse me. Did you just drop my tail?"
"Oh look, Satan's playing the drums!"
"Over two days I cried, like, six times. I've gotta go hit some people now. "
"It's like I need to bring 'ass protection' every time I come to this place!"
"Yes! How dare she show up as an industrial ballerina without consulting us first!"
"Look at me! I'm spooky, dammit!"
"Yesterday I found a dead rat and I thought, should I lick it?"
"You want my tombstone to read *She only ate the custard filling*?"
"But, I don't wanna be naked in a tree!"
"Okay, so you know that guy with the spikey brown hair and lots of metal in his face? Do you know his name?" - funny because everyone knew exactly who was being talked about.
"I'm having fun because I'm the princess!" - keep in mind this was spoken by a guy, who then followed up the evening by commanding everyone to do things 'because I'm the princess and I say you have to.'
"Trans-species Peep sex? That sounds like it should be a website." - I'll leave that to your own devices and imagination.
"Get your hands off it! If you want to see it, *I'll* pull it out and show it to you." - he was talking about his ID, so just get your mind out of the gutter.
"Don't twist, pull..." - a pen, you silly!
"You're my friend when I have the drink. When I'm done, go away."
"She's not only a slut for the SFMM, she's also a member." - regarding yours truly.
"But she's my *favourite*." "You're only saying that because she's cuter." "Yes!"
"Boning does not for a good poke make" - I'll let you furrow your brows over that one on your own.
"I can't believe you told him about the midget porn!" - or about the one in the suitcase.
"Why don't we just have an orgy? Life would be so much easier if we just had an orgy."
"I have to go to this thing; otherwise I've wasted $25 on perfectly good underwear."
"You, my little co-dependent bitch, are my therapy."
"I ran out of interesting people to talk to... an hour ago" - so he came to bug me.
"What did you say to make him go 'woo hoo!'?"
"That silence you hear is the sound of my respect for you plummetting." - ouch!
[I]"Don't want bugs in my alcohol!"
"It's bra-girl!" - a new comic book in the works, maybe?
"Okay, I have to leave now before I say something else you'll have to put on your web page." - you think I'm getting a bit of a reputation?
"You can touch my monkey, but not my bunny."
"When you're frying on acid, the last thing you want to see is a Zen Buddhist with a Lite Brite."
"I've slept my way to the top of this scene. Who do I sleep with to get out?"
"Hey, if it's pink and furry, I'm all over that!" - actually, she was speaking of Devil Bunny.
"Will you PLEASE take the rabbit out of your pants!"
"I am going to auction myself off as meat... me in a kilt... standing in a bar."
"If you can't keep it in your pants... SFMM... Keep it in the family" - yes, someone actually said this at one of our meetings. Be afraid, be very afraid.
"Cooties? I'm wearing your fucking tongue ring!"
"The rental car agencies will be the first with their backs up agains the wall when the revolution comes" - I could explain it... but then I'd have to kill you.
"Now is not the time for witty banter. Now we must sing. SING like the WIND!"
"Devil Bunnies, birthday cake hats, and me without my acid"
"Step off, homeboy!" - admittedly not *that* odd a phrase - but at a goth club?
"He deserved it!... He touched my antennae!"
"So where are your penguins *now*, Dave?"
"Did you miss me?" "Was that a rhetorical question?"
"Dammit, I think I just straightlaced my corset." - probably not the exact quote ('cause I lost the slip of paper I wrote it on), but close enough...
"Okay, when the clothes you wear out to the club cost more than your car, you have a real problem." - overheard in a New Orleans club.
"There's a literary giant on my breakfast cereal! It's EMERSON... on my Cheerios! "'
(Please send me back to the spooky space)